She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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