Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm getting married
To pizza
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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