If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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