C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
