Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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