Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
