dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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