Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
