ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
