Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
