Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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