my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
