so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
