If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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