Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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