I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
