i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
