A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
