If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize