dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
