So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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