she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize