How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
