I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it's like heaven, but drunker
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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