you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
