I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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