just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
