their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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