Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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