Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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