I cockslap morals
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
