i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
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