I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
