I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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