i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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