I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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