Jerry, you need to find god
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
