somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
