girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
