You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
