Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
