You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
