It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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