I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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