He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
When are your genitals available?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
