Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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