I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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