I'm jealous of your bromance
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
