it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize