I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
