the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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