Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
