i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
