she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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