i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
