So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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