i just had sex bonerless
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
