I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
