Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
