I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
