He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
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In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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