Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
