We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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