Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
