Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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