There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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