So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
