How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And then he peed in my hair
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