Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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