I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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