My nipple is on Facebook.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
