yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish i was in the wii world.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
