I just threw up on my dentist
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
