I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
