I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
