YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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