Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
