You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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