her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
