wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
