i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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