Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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