So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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