If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
