what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
