on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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