You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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