I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
