You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
